I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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