i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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