I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
