I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
