Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
