Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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