I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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