What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
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Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
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So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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