I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
What drink are we having for lunch?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
