I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize