You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
