well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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