We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
