i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
