Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
