she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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