Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
MIDGETS
????
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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