i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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