your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
