i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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