I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
