Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
