So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
