Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
