she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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