the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
