I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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