I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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