I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize