So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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