Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
