Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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