Non-Jews are for practice
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
