yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
