Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
