Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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