Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
worst night to have a conscience
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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