My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
