SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
