Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
