did you get engaged???
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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