i barfeds in our rink
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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