You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
