Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
