I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
