Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
