Pappa wants mamma naked
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
