this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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