If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
