never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
