we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
