hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
