For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
