Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
