Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
