Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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