Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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