When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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