My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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