he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Be still, my beating vagina.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
