Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
