I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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