hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
