He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should my penis look like a turkey
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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