I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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