I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
