i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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