WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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