I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
