I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
