can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
