the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
