Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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