I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
