This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i think i have two assholes
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
