You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
