I need to stop coming to work sober
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize