so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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