Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How does one acquire holy water?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.