i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.