I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this