why didn't you poke me back
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
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Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
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Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife